


Disney Music Translations, In The Background Of Conversations, Without Any Unforeseen Deformations; And Beer

by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Blind Date, M/M, Minor Character Death, its cute, its in the background, lev is cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi
Summary: “Would you be upset with me if I killed someone?”“What?”“If I killed someone would you be mad? I hope not.”“I- I don’t-““My ex was weirdly into it… I’ll be honest it was a bit of a turn-off. He was really weird. I had a girlfriend that was really into murder too… I gotta be honest I don’t know where I found these people but It is definitely weird.”OR; Lev Haiba (assassin extraordinaire) interacting with a stood up Atsumu and a weirdly 'into it' TsukishimaChapter 1 - AtsumuChapter 2 - Tsukishima
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Miya Atsumu, Haiba Lev/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Atsumu-san gets Wasted

**Author's Note:**

> Totally cute, very short and sweet, unfinished as usual.

“So how was the date.”

Atsumu didn’t know exactly how to describe the night. How could he explain the fact he had met one of the top models in the world, that they had shared one of the most expensive bottles of wine in Japan, went out on the town and chatted as they walked along the snow-covered streets (a happy buzz highlighting his vision) then out of nowhere said model stopped the date to say that Atsumu was  _ ‘such a great guy _ ’ and, quote,  _ ‘such a catch’ _ but unfortunately ‘ _ I have a husband- I just wanted to get out y'know? Seriously, thank you for the good time’.  _ So that left Atsumu alone, insulted, a bit turned on (but mostly hurt) and alone on a Friday night. Pathetic. 

But  _ then,  _ he met up with some random shmuck in the middle of a 7/11, saw the guy was buying a 12 pack and decided to buy a pack with him. They got talking, laughing- Atsumu might have cried he doesn’t remember much- and something _something_ led to them staying in the beer guy’s house (a really fucking amazing house. Penthouse suite, skyline city view, the lights were the nice kind ( _ dimmers  _ instead of  _ switches— _ he was loaded) and then they drank more and talked more and suddenly they were kissing and Atsumu wasn’t wasted but those lips on him felt damn near as good as a nice liquid trashing. He remembers seeing some kind of weapon or something on the table (he didn’t think much of it he was to busy kissing this pretty beer guy) and he might’ve seen blood somewhere but honestly he just didn’t care because  _ god this guy was a wonderful kisser _ .

He left the next morning (nothing happened, they just laid in bed and talked about the logistics of airports allowing seatbelts on the plane but taking the life jackets off) with one final kiss, a pat on the ass, and a promise of another beer together. He was a mile away by the time he realized he didn’t even know who he swapped spit with. He wished he knew the guy’s name. 

“It was … beer. _Lots of beer_.”

“Cheap beer?”

“ _The cheapest_.”

“Ew.”

“I think I kissed a spy or something.”

“And?”

“I was _super_ fuckin’ into it.”


	2. Tsukishima Listens To Disney Music And Also Birds Are Mentioned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was paid to kill him. I’m pretty sure he was like, I don’t know a bird fucker. I usually don’t work this messily but the commissioner specifically wanted something messy, they even paid extra it was on the order and everything, so ya’know-“ 
> 
> “Wait did you say bird fucker?”
> 
> "What? Oh yeah. I think. Let’s see!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, LevTsukki.. My roots <3

“Would you be upset with me if I killed someone?”

_ “What?” _

“If I killed someone would you be mad? I hope not.”

“I- I don’t-“

“My ex was weirdly into it… I’ll be honest it was a bit of a turn-off. He was really weird. I had a girlfriend that was really into murder too… I gotta be honest I don’t know where I found these people but It is definitely weird.”

Kei was suddenly very sober. Very sober and awake and the previous warmth filling his body was instantly frozen and turned into a giant weight in his chest, constricting his lungs and making his brain choke (no oxygen and all that) so the only thing he could say was “what?”.

“I only say this because honestly Tsukki, I  _ really  _ like you. And because I  _ really _ like you I  _ really  _ don’t wanna lie to you. Understand?”

Tsukishima probably nodded. He doesn’t remember moving his head. 

“So I’m being honest with you. That’s good, right? I’ve been told I’m too honest but I think it’s sexy on me.”

It was but more than anything it was terrifying and Kei was terrified and everything was bad. Fuck. Did he say the heat inside him was frozen? It was more than frozen, it was just stone now. It was pure stone and every word spoken by Lev was another layer of cement added on top, making it heavier and heavier (his brain was officially turning off from the lack of fresh oxygen, the co2 sitting in his lungs like a poison, his vision blinking in and out from black to white, alternating with spots sitting his vision on the edges. He thought, in these moments of panic, that Lev was really really good looking and that shy smile of his fit him beautifully and maybe life wouldn’t be that bad if he was killed by him. But then he remembered he’s having a panic attack and just summed that up to the, well, panicking).

“Oh, you’re freaking out. That’s not good. Okay um, uh- wanna hold hands? Here let’s hold hands.”

And Lev grabbed his hand and grazed his thumb over their intertwined fingers and Kei didn’t know what to feel. He was terrified and blushing though.

So they held hands. They held hands as Lev played old Disney classics (each song in a different language from the last) Kei already speaks only two languages, understanding another barely, but he was too focused on the humming, smiling killer in front of him to notice when the Russian version of “part of this world” ended and the Spanish version of “I am Moana” began. 

He didn’t know exactly where his brain was getting stuck. Was it the stupidly tender hand-holding and humming together, the lost in translation jokes from before and shared glances, soft kisses, and hard liquor. The way Lev looked so cold (cool, icy, untouchable, scary) but in reality, he was warm and sweet and stupid (so stupid) just offering Kei the chance to spend the night and enjoy themselves. 

Or, was it the gun on the side table. The knives all around the kitchen. The body bag in the corner of the room. The blood on the floor. The  _ body _ outside the previously mentioned body bag. Or maybe it was the realization Lev wasn’t stupid. Not really. No, he was simple sure, but he wasn’t stupid. Kei was the stupid one (he knew that for sure because, well duh he was even here, and also, he was being calmed by the gentle out of tune humming and mumbles in another language. The smell of blood and smoke and sound of bullets rolling off the side table faded away into the background because really all that truly mattered was the Arabic version of “when will my life begin” and Lev’s green eyes staring into his own brown ones). 

“Are we good? You look better. Less spooked.”

Kei thinks he nodded (he’s moving a lot without any recollection as of late) and Lev smiles and Kei feels a bit better.

“I really didn’t expect you to come over tonight but you came from so far to see me and I just- god you’re gonna think I’m  _ so  _ stupid but I just thought you wouldn’t mind? Like- I  _ know  _ it’s crazy but like you don’t seem like the type to judge someone off their job… you’re too sweet for that.”

It was really interesting that he said that because it was actually Kei’s entire purpose in life to judge others off of their job and clothes and taste and anything ever really. He was judging himself pretty hard. He was judging the dead guy behind Lev too. 

He didn’t think he was judging Lev though. Hmm. Not a good sign. 

“What did he do?”

“What?”

“Th- the guy. The dead one. Why did you kill him? What did he do?”

Lev blinks and looks back at the body. The playlist is currently on the French version of “under the sea”, Kei hummed a bit.

“Oh. I didn’t like his face.”

Ah, there goes the giant fucking weight on his chest. Back and bigger than ever. 

“Tsukki, I’m just kidding! I wouldn’t do that! I’m not crazy or evil or something.”

Lev gets up and walks over to the guy (so calmly, so calm and unbothered by the murder and blood and everything that Kei was almost into it). He stands by the guy’s head and nudges his skull with his foot, being sure to avoid the blood. The body’s head lolls a bit to the side and from Kei’s position on the couch he was unable to see the actual expression the body wore (he imagined it was one of fear and anger, maybe the final snarl of a man who knew the carpet was being pulled out from under him, that everything was ending just as quickly as it started. Kei kinda wanted to see it now. But he also wanted to sleep for the rest of his life). 

“I was paid to kill him. I’m pretty sure he was like, I don’t know a bird fucker. I usually don’t work this messily but the commissioner specifically wanted something messy, they even paid extra it was on the order and everything, so ya’know-“ 

“Wait did you say _bird fucker_?”

“What- oh yeah. I think. Let’s see!”

Lev walks down the hall and disappears for a moment, coming back out with a black folder just as the Russian version of “A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes” begins. He’s pulling his hair back into a quick bun and wearing his glasses (the ones he wears for reading. The ones that make him look so intelligent and sexy and cool and  _ not  _ like a killer but more like a whimsical TA or maybe a cold-blooded professor with a secret or two underneath the surface, that beautiful- beautiful surface). He comes back to sit next to Kei and begins reading.

“ _ Hiromi Ruthbur. 28, CEO of the up and coming ‘Birds of a Feather’ communication business. Father of 2 and husband to a Hiromi Gin. Reason for the hit,  _ and listen to me Tsukki, this says quote,  _ Hirumi was recently found in a scandal of having sexual relations with customers, business partners, and his own product- the birds themselves. He’s had relations with over 100 birds, from penguins to pigeons. The distributors of the birds are complicit in this abuse and as such the commissioner has taken matters into their own hands,  _ end quote.”

Lev laughs. “Fucked huh? Haha yeah… anyway yeah did you wanna eat or something?”

**Author's Note:**

> That was CUTE huh? yeah ikkkkk
> 
> every fic I post will just get a longer and longer name. eventually, the title will just BE the story. LOOKING FORWARD TO IT
> 
> you guys know the deal, comment your thoughts, praise me insistently, go on twitter and yell at me to be productive. It really means a lot when you do!
> 
> //Twt//@Burnttoastwbttr


End file.
